看通用汽车老板怎么修理盖茨(中英文版)

所有 · 发表于 2011-1-12 20:40:13

　　一个很老的贴，一个广泛流传的幽默：看通用汽车老板怎么修理比尔.盖茨
　　
　　在几年前的一个展会(LAS VEGAS COMDEX)上，微软公司的创办人比尔盖兹语重心长的說：
　　
　　「如果通用汽車(美国最大的汽车制造商)能使他们的科技进展速度如同咨讯产业的进展速度，那么我们今天的
　　汽车售价仅需25美元，每一加仑汽油可以跑1000英里。」全场來宾皆觉深有同感并给予他热烈的掌声。
　　
　　为了回应比尔盖兹的评论，通用汽车当时的总裁杰克威治特別发布一篇新闻稿，內容重点为：如果通用汽车发展科技的方式如同微软一样，那么我们今天的汽车就有以下特色：
　　
　　1.. 汽车每天会毫无理由的撞毀(Crash)两次。
　　
　　2.. 每一次道路标线重漆或是交通标识改变，你就必须买一辆新車。
　　
　　3.. 有时候你的汽车会毫无理由在高速公路上停下來，你只好接受事实，然后重新发动、重新上路。
　　
　　4..有时候，你操控汽車右转、左转或倒车时，可能会造成汽车熄火，而且拒绝再度发动，唯一解決方法是重新安裝引擎。
　　
　　5.. 每一輛車只能有一名乘客，除非你买的是汽车95/98或者NT/2000。
　　
　　即使如此，你还得加座椅，座椅的价格和汽车差不多。
　　
　　6..苹果公司(Macintosh)制造一种非常耐用的汽車，由太阳能(Sun，著名系统软件供应商)推动，速度快5 倍，使用方式易学易熟练，但它只使用百分之五的道路。
　　
　　7.. 原先仪表板上所有的指示灯，例如：油量、水量、溫度等，現在浓缩成一個，上面标示为一般汽车错误。
　　
　　8.. 新的座椅要求每个人的臀部要一样大。
　　
　　9.. 安全气囊弹出之前会问：「你确定吗？」
　　
　　10..有时候你的汽车会毫无理由將你锁在门外，唯一的进入方式是同一时间右手拉著车门开关、左手转动车钥匙、口內咬着汽车天线。
　　
　　11..不管车主愿不愿意，通用汽车会要求车主还必须购买由通用汽車子公司出版的导航地图。如果车主不愿意使用并將它丟掉，汽車的效能会锐减50%，如果车主使用別家出版的导航地图，汽車撞(Crash)的次数会增加。
　　
　　12..每一次通用汽车推出新车型时，车主必須重新学习驾驶方式，因为新车和旧车的所有控制方式都不相同。
　　
　　13.. 你必须按启动才能关闭引擎。
　　
　　BILL GATES VS GENERAL MOTORS
　　
　　At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry withthe auto industry and stated that :- “If GM had kept up with technology like the computerindustry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to thegallon.“
　　
　　In response to Gates’ comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
　　
　　If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the followingcharacteristics:
　　
　　1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
　　
　　2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
　　
　　3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this,restart and drive on.
　　
　　4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down andrefuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
　　
　　5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought “Car95“ or “CarNT“. But thenyou would have to buy more seats.
　　
　　6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, andtwice as easy to drive, but would only work on five percent of the roads.
　　
　　7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single“general car default“ warning light.
　　
　　8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
　　
　　9. The airbag system would say “Are you sure?“ before going off.
　　
　　10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you inuntil you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radioantenna.
　　
　　11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (nowa GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete thisoption would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GMwould become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
　　
　　12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn to drive all over againbecause none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
　　
　　13. You’d press the “start“ button to shut off the engine.